Redefining Typical

A Mother, A Son, A Journey…..with Autism

The One that is Not Mine September 6, 2012

Filed under: autism-acceptance and hope — Cheairs @ 11:01 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes I can’t see it.

I really don’t know what it looks like.

But I yearn for it.

And then I am given a peek.

A glance.

A glimpse of the eight year old little boy who was born on the same day in the same year as mine.

That child.

The one who is not my son.

The things that he can do that my child can’t.

The little boy who was brought forth from his mother’s womb .

And I see.

Yes, I see all the things that he can do with such ease.

Bathe himself.

Dress himself.

Wipe himself.

And then there are the words that spring forth from that little boy’s mouth…

With ease, grace, and speed.

They fill the room.

Woven together tightly into sentences.

Creating ideas. Expressing anger. Sharing fears.

But this child is not mine.

The child who is typical by definition of the world around us.

And I yearn for that little one.

To hold his hand.

To feel what it would be like.

To have him next to me eating at a restaurant.

Smiling. Laughing. Coloring.

To drop him off at a birthday party with a wave and nod.

To watch him kick a goal or score a touchdown.

Yes, sometimes I want the little boy who was born on the same day in the same year as my little one.

Yes, sometimes I want the one who is not mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And it is raining outside.

He loves the rain.

He slides his window open.

We gather all of his blankets.

We pull them across the wood floor.

With a giggle, he jumps into his nest.

His elbows and head hitting the mound first, then his knees.

All of the blankets.

The blue one.

The green one.

The white one.

The striped one.

They catch him.

He lifts his head.

“I want pillows!”

His happiness.

It covers me.

I gather his long body pillows.

I drop them one by one on top of his long 70 pound body.

He giggles.

He pushes his nose against the window screen.

Without turning, he calls for the rest of his friends to join him, “I want Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy. Where is Ba Ba and Giraffe?”

I reach down and grab his sacred lovies from the floor.

I step into his nest and he grabs them from me.

He holds them to his chest, and bending down over them, he hugs them tightly.

He looks at me, “Mommy, go sleep.”

I lie next to him.

The smell of my eight  year old boy and the warm rain of this September morning become part of his nest too.

 He turns from the window.

His blue eyes full of peace.

Full of understanding.

He leans into me.

He grins, “It’s raining.”

I sit up.

I take hold of my sweet boy, along with Mickey, Minnie and Goofy.

I smile, “Yes, it is raining.”

He turns back to the window.

And we sit.

In his nest that cradles us.

Holds us.

And I see it.

The child who was born to me.

Brought forth from my womb.

The one that is mine.

Copyright Cheairs Graves September 6, 2012

 

13 Responses to “The One that is Not Mine”

  1. Ann Davies Says:

    LOVE this, Cheairs. So, so sweet. I can just picture you both all curled up in the comfortable nest! You are a great mom!!!! Miss you!

    • Cheairs Says:

      Ann, your frienship inspires me, and your family is a gift to me. You will never know how much I have learned from you, your parents and your entire family. You are an amazing friend and beautiful person.

  2. Kelly Says:

    Cheairs,

    What a beautiful post…your words are powerful and I am glad you have found a way to express all that you feel each day. Your voice resonates with so mnay…

    Keep writing, keep loving, and keep sharing!

    Sincerely,
    Kelly Murphy Henderson

  3. Kate Says:

    I really, really love your writing. It is true and beautiful. Thank you!

  4. Oh, my friend…what a picture you’ve painted with your eloquence. The yin and yang of our days, of our struggles, of our joys. LOVE this piece.

  5. Maria Manahan Says:

    Dawson and you remind us to celebrate and cherish each raindrop with those we love. Your words paint a beautiful picture. Thank you.

  6. mary stumb Says:

    Your friends are as eloquent as you. What a blessing each one is Much love Mary

  7. Margaret Says:

    I love you so, so much.

  8. rhemashope Says:

    this is my favorite post. thank you.

  9. Sue Says:

    Just beautiful! Hope you and your lovely family are doing well. Its been months since I stopped by. We are doing better at the moment and I am trying to get back to commenting at least occasionally.


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